Curiosity Killed the Cat

Relatively productive day. Read through a couple of books, making notes for my essay due in on Friday. Not quite sure how whole thing will pan out because not all that positive that I know what my title is actually asking, but better try. Unless I want to fail. Which oddly is a rather tempting thought. It's a totally terrifying prospect, to think that in just over a year and a half, this part of my life will be completely over. I don't want to be an adult. I want to be a student and stay with my gorgeous, amazing student buddies. Can't bear the thought of Sarah leaving next year to study abroad! Reading through her personal statement and discussing it a little in my room with a couple of us this afternoon rather embarassingly almost bought me to tears. Another housemate will be off as well, but having known from day one that she'd go, we were expecting it. S's choice (and, yeah, it's a choice - she might not get to go) is only really being made now. It'll be amazing for her, and something that, you know, most of us would never get to do, but from a purely instinctive selfish viewpoint, I hope she'll stay here. It wouldn't be the same at all with her gone.
I do love my flatmates!

Whoops, got a little bit sidetracked there. Had fabulous pancake evening with the girls this evening, spent most of day on bed (!) with C and K, making notes, watching a C4 documentary, chilling out. Good times.
No milk, bad times.

Just had quite an interesting talk with one of my housemates. I say talk, but it's difficult to explain. I'm not really thinking as I write this, and not considering what's going into it, so you'll have to bear with me and I ask you to forgive my incoherent ramblings! On the plus side, I haven't had a coffee for hours, so it shouldn't be all bad.

Is it difficult to trust people? In the vaguest of senses. Is it possible to share everything with another person? Or do you leave yourself vulnerable? Many people (including myself and, evidently, my housemate) have gone through things in their lives, and certainly thought about things that are incredibly personal, probably emotional, and definitely secret. Things that you really would consider it difficult, or in this case, impossible, to trust people with. But in the end, these kind of things, can they really harm us if we do choose to share and discuss them? I've dealt with two people personally who I would consider incredibly guarded people, making them nearly impossible to understand. I think about it a lot, but really, if they did chose to talk, would it actually weaken them, or is this just an unfounded fear? People really do seem to be the most amazingly complex, weird and confusing things ever. Even worse than computers. In fact, they should come with a manual. One that explains exactly why they are the way they are. Or does this defeat the entire concept of human nature?

Ooch, anyhow, that's actually cleared my mind. Reading it back, it is likely to make absolutely no sense and in no way explain the thought processes I was having during that conversation ('though, considering I didn't even know what I was thinking, let alone what she was, is this really a surprise?), but hey. As I said to her, my blog writing is, in some ways, a form of stress relief. Like writing down the vague wisps of thought means you can effectively clear them out and, you know, move on. Which is odd, considering that I thought my main line of thinking focussed on hot women. Wow, is it possible I have layers? Hell no. Just confused.

Right, it is Friday. Tonight I am going to do some work. I pledge, at sometime this evening, I shall put away my laptop, cast aside msn and lock away my housemates. There will be no distractions. For a good half an hour.

Very badly skipped a seminar this afternoon, despite having some work done for it. I don't know why I do this so much. My group had to 'lead a discussion' (how the hell do you lead a discussion in a group that about 5 people have turned up to, and not one will participate in?)  on some work that, well, none of us had properly done. Or in fact, discussed trying to do said work. Oh well. Essay due next week, done further amount of nothing today. Did not leave house. Did not do anything productive, other than wash some clothes and scatter them about my room, to either dry, or grow mould. I hate my laziness.

Oh crap, am meant to be going to a social tonight. Really cannot be bothered. Hair is skanky. Don't like the Jap Soc socials. Haven't been and don't want to. Am just making self angry. Shall go and calm down.

Update

To further 'lift' the mood, Elina was sent out of ANTM. Nothing is right in the world.

Really, so much for my vain attempt to turn over a new leaf or whatever. Plan appears to have flown right out of that proverbial window then. I could add a little pathetic cough in here, but really that's not stopping anything. I am just so lazy and unmotivated all the time now, it really is not good. Absolutely nothing done today other than some casual Jeremy Kyle viewing, and some curry making. Planning to go into town anytime now but, meh, unlikely to be an incident of mention. I really wish my throat was better, this is so awful.

Update - 3:50PM
Oh yeah, congratulations to Obama for winning the whole presidency gig; good for him. Other than the me being English thing, and not actually properly following my own politics thing, definitely warmed to him. According to my sister, 'he has a nice smile'. She, and America, have spoken.

Argh, think that I may have swallowed a cheese grater, that apparently has got lodged in throat. So, yeah, may be acting my usual over-dramatic self but, hey, I'll be the one laughing when I die from tonsilitus and my unsympathetic friends would feel pretty bad then. Metaphorically.

Got up today alright, feeling like crap and hugging my alarm (thinking this would perhaps subdue it?!), but got a bit of work done. I say work... Looked at Friday's seminar stuff and decided it was too difficult, so put off indefinitely. Gone through Roman Landscape lecture notes for essay (due next work). Watched Jeremy Kyle. Lecture at 4 for a couple of hours.
Weirdly, got major craving for a cigarette during the second half. Stifled it by buying Munchies. Very, very bad.

I Will Not...

1. Allow room to reach appalling state of mess, in manner of nuclear fall-out zone or bomb site. Judged by degree of visible floor space (clothes, shoes, papers and, currently, jars of pasta sauce), level of hygiene (one mug is acceptable, several with additional plates, cutlery and vegetable peeler, is not) and amount of bed space for visitors.
2. Miss lectures and seminars any more for any the following reasons: rain,  pre-midday sleepiness, post-midday laziness, Jeremy Kyle, bright sunlight or not wanting to walk up the big hill.
3. Be rude to mother when she calls, but instead be lovely, concerned, friendly daughter.
4. Watch Jeremy Kyle instead of attending lecture (see 2.)
5. Obsess about meeting and sleeping with any available girls, just because they happen to be part of the LGBT soc. Instead focus on improving inner-being, spiritual welfare and work.
6. Eat crap in my room, just because I happen to store it in my wardrobe.
7. Wimp out of going to socials to build up health, productive social life in favour of sitting in peoples' rooms and bitching.
8. Bitch. Particularly behind peoples' backs.
9. Leave essays to last moment.
10. Waste so much time on msn. Limit internet-wasting time.

I Will...

1. Write blog more regularly and not whine about it being such a chore. Even if it is, because my life is so boring.
2. Listen attentively in lectures instead of doodling/ dreaming about Keira Knightley in the King Arthur leather underwear/ thinking about what I'm going to have for dinner.
3. Get books out of the library and actually read them instead of just putting them on my shelves to make self look intelligent and pretentious. Am fooling no-one.
4. Organise lecture notes.
5. Walk more to and from campus and town in order to get more exercise and not dawdle because my empty bag is 'heavy'. Similarly, a break is not needed half way up hills. This is a waste of time and annoying when people walk into self.
6. Not waste money on chocolate from the vending machines after lectures/ walking through campus/ going near a shop.  Must avoid at all costs, even if craving for KitKat Chunky becomes unbearable.
7. Hence slim into tiny black jeans.